One of my community services is giving job-hunting advice to friends and acquaintances. Often, when I ask how interviews are going, I hear, “Fine, I think. I’ve had some interviews, but I never hear back.” Other people say, “Why don’t recruiters get back to people? It’s so rude and unprofessional!” While I won’t attempt to speak for an entire classification of people, such as recruiters, I can share what I tell job seekers and how we train our staff at Vivo.
If you want feedback, open yourself up to it. Ask for it. Then shut up, listen and nod. Take it. And think about what you can do with that feedback, even if it’s information you didn’t expect.
A recruiter recently ranted on LinkedIn from the other side of this scenario. She was dismayed that a candidate had accepted a job offer and then later reneged, never having told her he was considering other opportunities or how far along he was with other employers. While most commenters responded by agreeing with that the candidate was unprofessional and that the recruiter dodged a bullet, many blamed the recruiter for likely not providing feedback to her candidates. Turnabout, they said, is fair play.
But I commented with what I tell my sales staff or recruiters who are frustrated by “crickets” when trying to connect with prospects: If you want someone to be truthful with you, make sure you are inviting truth.
Are you asking good questions? Are you genuinely interested in the answer? Did you outsource any part of the process to someone with “happy ears” who ignored several obvious warning signs? Are you at all defensive, demanding, close-minded, or pushy, making people uncomfortable being candid with you? These are the post-mortem questions we ask at Vivo after any failure. The answers may not always be clear and blame cannot always be apportioned. But, chances are, asking yourself these questions will guide you do try new approaches in the future. At a minimum, you will sleep at night knowing you gave it your all – win or lose.
Now comes the hard part: Honesty with yourself. Are you truly open to feedback? Are you communicating your openness not just with words, but body language and actions after receiving feedback? Or are you interrupting, disagreeing with, blaming, making excuses or otherwise leaving someone sorry she bothered sharing the feedback you requested?
A few steps for gauging – and practicing – openness to feedback:
- Preempt the silent treatment while the dialogue is still open: “I know we’re not at that stage yet, but if I’m not chosen for the job, I’d love if you’d take a minute to let me know why, so I can learn what I can do differently.” You’ll not only help keep silence from standing in for feedback, but you’ll help prevent the silent waiting game while demonstrating that you’re someone who likes to keep improving.
- Mean it: Before requesting feedback, ask yourself if you really do hope to hear the reasons you were rejected. If you’re not genuinely open to receiving honest feedback, then quit whining and move on. If your true intent is to find out if you still have a chance, then be honest and simply ask if it’s too late to plead your case.
- Acknowledge the awkward: Addressing the fact that giving and receiving feedback can be uncomfortable will help offset awkwardness: “I suspect you decided to go another direction and I’m grateful for the time you gave me. If you have a minute, I’ll gratefully listen to any feedback you can give as to why I wasn’t selected.”
- Facilitate openness and honesty. If after a rejection, you receive only flowery feedback, challenge yourself to dig deeper. Rejection sucks. But you won’t grow by convincing yourself that you’re still amazing, despite being the runner-up before each rejection. You were still rejected. Praise makes you feel good, but it doesn’t improve you. We’ve all heard, “You were great, but ultimately we found someone who was a better fit.” But how many of us asked WHY Bob was a better fit or what about ourselves put us in the “reject” pile. Ask if there is anything in particular you should work on or where your shortcomings may be. Recruiters and hiring managers like to think they’re good judges of character with sound career advice to proffer. Give them opportunities to do so.
- Listen and learn! When you are fortunate enough to break through the awkwardness and someone actually gives you feedback on a rejection, listen and learn from what they say. Respect the person who is opening up do you. If you must say anything when receiving feedback, make it a question – not an accusation, an explanation or a sales pitch. But, as a rule, keep quiet and absorb the information they’re offering you.
