I have a rather longstanding and loudly expressed disgust for all things supposedly pro-female-empowerment – that litany of research and advice aiming to teach us women how to appear. From the best “power suit” to wear to how firm my handshake should be, I’ve always cringed that appearance – rather than more substantive factors like experience, leadership ability, open-mindedness and values – is what we’re made to think we need.
After reading a recent Harvard Business Review piece, (Is the Confidence Gap Between Men and Women a Myth?), it occurred to me that my disdain may stem in part from not feeling inferior. The opposite is true; I have always believed that I am in every way as competent as any male counterpart. Yet, although I don’t lack confidence, it turns out that simply by being female, I may appear insecure.
I won’t waste time arguing about the reasons women have to try harder than men do to achieve positions of power and leadership, or the fact that they shouldn’t have to. Instead, I’d rather point out a few amazing women who’ve earned power and shown leadership without the need to “appear” confident. Chances are, you haven’t heard many of their names, but you might know their stories. In highlighting these women, it’s my hope that girls and women who are inconspicuously confident can feel inspired to continue to seek growth without changing who they are:
Tammie Jo Shults: It took a tragedy for the public to know the calm, enduring leadership and power of Ms. Shults, a former fighter pilot with the U.S. Navy and one of the first females to fly an F/A-18 Hornet. Until last week, she was a person who liked to fly and did so very well. Now, Ms. Shults is also being recognized for the calm, quiet leadership with which she so cautiously landing a disabled commercial aircraft that casualties were kept to a minimum.
But make no mistake about it. The fact that Shults is female is the real media story. When Chesley B. “Sully” Sullenberger, III, infamously landed a disabled jet on the Hudson River in 2009, the media didn’t hone in on his sex. Yet, in the case of Tammie Jo, the fact that she does not have a penis is highlighted in nearly every article. I’ll stop being irritated when the media and the public stop being surprised that women are heroic, ingenious, innovative, or courageous, okay?
Next, let me introduce Katrina Lake. You probably don’t know her name. Yet you do know many other successful tech company founders’ names. If you truly want your daughters to be inspired, get to know Lake, CEO and founder of 2017’s IP0 darling, Stitch Fix. In a November 2017 article, Fortune Magazine highlighted Lake as “the only woman to lead a tech IPO this year.” That paragraph could have been devoted to Lake’s extensive experience at the intersection of fashion, retail, and technology; it could have highlighted Lake’s ongoing consulting work with e-commerce retailers, or her personal investments in entrepreneurs and start-ups over the years. But Lake’s genitalia was the news.
Did Facebook founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg’s sex make the headlines alongside the first stories of his founding Facebook during his sophomore year at Harvard? Of course not. But Lake’s story is at least as equally impressive, and probably mores, especially given that Lake finished college. After earning a B.S. in Economics from Stanford University, and while earning an M.B.A. from Harvard Business School, Lake shipped the first Stitch Fix orders from her Cambridge apartment. It’s really not shocking that Lake is a woman. What’s worth noting is Lake’s innovation, investment in technology, and smart, calculated risk-taking, regardless of sex.
Of course, there is also the question of whether we hold women to the same professional rigor as their male counterparts, and the ways in which a lowered standard might affect the public’s overall confidence. Had Captain Shults’ landing been less successful, would we have still said she did well, because “for a woman” she did? Did the public’s excitement with young female entrepreneur, Elizabeth Holmes, prevent us from sniffing out her exaggeration and outright lies. Were “we” collectively so excited that a woman could launch a disruptor as exciting as Theranos, that we ignored simple facts?
Here’s a new approach: Expect people to succeed because of their expertise, education, training, and innovative thinking, not their appearance. Don’t be surprised unless there’s something truly surprising. And here’s a Newsflash: Neither the vagina nor the female gender role qualify as surprising.
