You can call me Sweetie. Just don’t call me “lucky”. I have an almost violent reaction when people say I’ve been “lucky”. It implies I have no say in my destiny and ignores the hard work that I put in to getting where I am, whether that destination is as a CEO and business owner or as a still-living mom of three pubescent boys.
But I digress. Recently, a soundbite of PepsiCo Chairman and CEO Indra Nooyi made the rounds all over social media in regards to Nooyi’s interview with CBS’s Nora O’Donnell at the Women in World Conference. The 34-minute interview also included New America President and CEO, Anne-Marie Slaughter. In their discussion, the group tackled compelling topics around the fact that women have come a long way in the workforce, but that the revolution is not yet complete.
Trouble is, the only part of that 34-minute interview that most of the public remembers is the 11-second comment Nooyi made about how women need “to be treated as executives or people, rather than ‘honey’ or ‘sweetie’ or ‘babe’.” Then came the soundbites and memes. And then the real point of the interview – the need to create solid means for work-family balance – became moot. Instead of focusing on the topic of the progress women have made and the more measurable matters that still need to be addressed, the widespread news following this interview became Nooyi’s quick mention of sexist terms like “sweetie” and “honey”.
But, hey, didn’t we also ban “bossy” a few years ago? I’m not suggesting anyone should tolerate being called something she or he does not want to be called. My “Jennifer” friends cannot stand being called “Jenny” and I’m not a huge “Mar” fan, either. If you’ve corrected someone and they still use overly familiar nicknames – be it “sweetie”, “honey” or, “Trish” – you have every right to be irritated. As long as you’re not in danger, correct the individual once or twice more before slapping them, cursing them out, or if at work, bringing the issue to HR. Be the strong person you want to be seen as and speak up. Do things by the book – just as you want your pet-name-callers to do.
But must it be made into a major sexist conspiracy designed to set women back hundreds of years? In doing to, the spotlight points the wrong way. We all know the media and the general public can’t resist the temptation to glamorize sexism or old-fashioned workplace offenders. In the process, the multitudes who have evolved along with most of humankind are left in the shadows. By shining the light on what certainly must be a dwindling population of offenders, you glamorize the very thing you’re trying to prevent.
Don’t want to be seen as weak by being called “sweetie” or “honey” or “Liz”? Then change the perception. Speak up authoritatively and change the subject.
For what it’s worth, I’m as okay with “sweetie” and “sweetheart” as I am with men calling each other – or even me – “pal” or “bud”. These terms create an often necessary casual environment and even allow people to connect without going through the formalities of remembering each other’s names. So, go on. Call me by any diminutive or pejorative term you want. I don’t care. Just don’t call me “lucky” or your luck may run out.
