Blaming others is no new concept. We’ve all heard lawyers argue countless reasons a woman was raped, blaming everything from where she was that day and whom she dated to what she wore and how much alcohol she consumed.
Can you imagine if these “reasons” for rape were the premise of a movie, in which a rapist sends 13 recordings to a woman, explaining the reasons she was raped? It is a repulsive concept – and there’s a good chance you’re angry that I used the “r” word in such a context. But before you dismiss me as an out-of-touch Right Wing Nut Job or spew online hatred about my ignorance, I hope you’ll read on for the analogy I’m drawing.
To me, the recent Netflix series, 13 Reasons Why, is just as repulsive as a dramatic program that might chronicle a rapist’s reasons for his actions. The series, produced by teen star, Selena Gomez, chronicles a fictional 17-year-old who takes her own life, leaving behind tapes telling those who have wronged her why they are the reasons she slit her wrists.
Now imagine you just watched a series about a fictional rapist who sends tapes to his victim telling her why she was raped. You would cry foul, wouldn’t you? You’d scream, “No! There is only ONE reason you raped her. It is because YOU are a rapist. YOU.” Nothing else caused the rape, certainly not some 13 justifications the man might have concocted.
Likewise, there are not “13 Reasons” Hannah Baker killed herself. There is only ONE. Hannah’s suicide certainly wasn’t her fault. It also wasn’t the fault of 13 people. But not one of the “13 Reasons” described in this book and TV series addresses the one reason someone like Hannah might take her own life. Not one of them – nor the public outcry in the aftermath of the series – addresses mental health. And that’s precisely what upsets me about 13 Reasons Why.
Let me take a moment here to give a nod to the many parents who are rightfully outraged over this series for other reasons besides the one I mention. Some feel the series is too graphic and too accessible to teens and tweens. Many worry that 13 Reasons romanticizes suicide. In our live-streaming, social media era, people understandably worry we will see more teens publicly out their enemies before taking their own lives. Much like media coverage of school shootings is often attributed to the rise in mass killings, the fear that 13 Reasons could lead to more suicides is well-founded.
And as legitimate as those concerns are, to me, they still miss the point.
My disdain stems from the fact that a sensationalized series creates an illusion that people can be blamed for someone’s suicide. The book and the series are quick to blame people without ever implicating mental illness for suicide, all while playing on viewers’/readers’ weakness when offered salacious content to consume.
We all know rape isn’t the fault of the victim, no matter how she was dressed, what she drank or whom she kissed. We all know that robbery at gunpoint is not the fault of the victim. We also know that mental illness – not any one person – is the reason for suicide. Period. So, why are we so afraid to discuss the third-leading cause of death among teens (behind accidents and homicide)? Maybe it’s because we’ve led ourselves to believe that suicide itself is the third-leading cause of death among that set.
But suicide is not the third-leading cause. In fact, suicide isn’t even a cause of death. Suicide, in reality, is a dire outcome of mental illness. Ergo, mental illness – not suicide – is the third leading cause of death among teens.
Let’s fix this before Season 2
In reaction to the backlash from its series, Netflix last week added new warnings to some episodes of its controversial series. Then, a few breaths later, they announced that they’re continuing the storyline with the 2018 renewal of the series. I hope they do a better job in Season 2. I hope that before, during and after Season 2, the public outcry changes. I hope the producers help us lash out about our societal inability to openly discuss mental illness. I hope they help us frame a public conversation about the mental health issues faced by 20% of U.S. teens and 20% of U.S. adults.
The first run of this series failed to spark that conversation. I just might forgive that egregiousness if the next run helps us as a society. Can we start discussing and dealing with the real problem before Netflix produces its 2018 season?
Let’s brainstorm and come up with answers to how can we – families, schools, the media, TV and film producers, and anyone else with their heads in the sand – can better inform and equip youth and people of all ages to see, recognize, identify and – most importantly – not be too ashamed to face mental illness. Let’s find a way to start crushing the stigma around mental illness instead of continuing to propagate it.
I don’t know exactly how to do this. But I do know we haven’t done a good job opening up about mental illness – the one reason for the epidemic of suicide.
