Overheard after a (kids’) baseball game (by the coach): “The worst thing you can be called is ‘soft’.” As I was about to get my, “Stop teaching boys some concocted version of manliness” thong in a knot, I stopped to listen to where he was taking this line of thinking. Or maybe I tripped, face-planted and had no choice.
“Remember,” he continued. “Someone is always watching.” Now, here is where we all unite – parents, coaches, employers, airline workers – and nod with understanding that in 2017 we are on display. All mics are hot. All interactions are being recorded. But is fear of being seen as “soft” really the issue?
Turns out, the coach had a decent point. He was reminding the 14-year-old boys that just as he had been watching the opposing teams’ players, others are watching our players. He went on to explain that at 97 degrees in the shade, it was hot outside for all the teams in the tournament. So when our third-baseman hung his head or our outfielder whined in the sun, they were branding themselves as that kind of “soft”.
It got me thinking, that’s for sure. Am I conscious of how some seemingly harmless whining (or a right-royal pity party) may look to others, even if they don’t know me? Is there a possibility I might later engage with someone who heard me complain openly about my feet hurting, my exhaustion or my long day and perceived me as “soft” or unable to move past my own petty frustration? Worse yet, if the time came that I were to encounter that person formally, I might not even know I needed to overcome their perception.
We all feel tired, haggard, frustrated, annoyed, in pain and angry from time to time and keeping emotions to ourselves is not wise in the long run; they just accumulate. But next time you feel the impulse to whine or want to indulge the urge to sigh publicly when something doesn’t go your way, ask yourself if that pity party is really necessary. See who might be watching and don’t underestimate their opinions.
That inconspicuous dad in the other team’s bleachers at you Little League game? He may be the best college buddy of your hometown high school’s varsity baseball coach. The bagger at the grocery store? She might be the MBA candidate who is already launching a startup where you may want to work next year.
We all know someone is always watching, listening, reading, recording, etc. But, have you thought about how you’ll unring that bell? “Soft” is fine, until you need that same audience to see you as “tough”. Then what?
